Couples Counseling

Sometimes I forget completely
what companionship is.
Unconscious and insane, I spill sad
energy everywhere.

— Rumi

What is Couples Counseling?  Denver therapist Larry Cappel cites the Crosby Stills and Nash song from the 60s which says that when two people, whole and complete within themselves, create a union, the union is greater then the sum of the parts. But if the two parts are not complete, couples therapeutic counseling can help each person develop the skills they need for wholeness.  

In this ideal relationship, conflict resolution is possible and teamwork easier to accomplish. When combined with love and respect for one another 1+1 truly does equal 3: me, you, and us – all equal.  Neither of you needs to disappear in the relationship to make the relationship work.

A common roadblock in the path to a more perfect union is that – despite a genuine affection you feel for one another – there is often an unconscious perception that the person you have fallen in love with possesses some quality that you believe you lack in yourself. As a result, you each try to get the other to behave in certain ways that unconsciously soothes your incomplete feelings. The problem with this is that your partner, being asked to behave differently, is being asked to not be themselves in the relationship but to pretend to be someone they are not. This can only lead to anger and resentment.

But if each of you can achieve wholeness then you are “individuated," to use a fancy word, and have developed the capacity to “self-sooth.” You don’t need your partner to to behave in a specific way in order for you to feel good about yourself.

I work with couples to recognize these patterns, and how they create conflict in the relationship. Once recognized it is easy for both of you to support each other and help form the "more perfect union."

I offer counseling for couples in and out of marriage and have since 1999.  I also provide unique understanding and insight into the unique relationship needs of the GLBT community.